Walk like a Man

The other day I was walking to work. I walk to work every day, not because I like to walk necessarily, but because it seems the least invasive way to add exercise to my daily regime. Ideally, I would prefer not to move my limbs at all - rather, I would like to be surrounded by cushions and brought things on occasion as I needed them. And if you think that this is a recent affectation, think again: I did not deign to walk until I was two. I realized early on that life is easier if people just come to you. Why move when you can just sit there and make people laugh and have them feed you? I must admit, this is much easier to pull of while wearing a diaper, but I digress.

In any event, whoever is in charge has decided that I was not to be a man of leisure.
And so I must walk. To work. And even though I do so, please do not for a moment
think that I am one of those people who wears runners with his suit
so that he does not wreck his dress shoes. No, I wear my expensive, uncomfortable and impractical shoes on my walk to work - for life is a difficult journey along a difficult path and it begins with one small step and you must keep your head high and always look forward. Therefore, it helps to have fabulous footwear.

Of course, it is not really a hardship to walk in the early morning beside the ocean as the sun rises through the mist. The view of the mountains is not quite as unobstructed as it once was, having been obscured by many tall shiny buildings where rich people get to live, but I can deal with that. And I must be careful not to step on the people asleep on the sidewalk - who seem to have multiplied at the same rate as the number of Bentleys driving by... but can I deal with that?

No. I cannot. And if there had been someone to yell at I would have done so, but I was loathe to disturb the slumber of the people sleeping around me - for they have few other comforts save their dreams. And if I could have run with superhuman speed after the Bentleys and Lambroghinis and Mercedes, and attacked them with my keys and thrown the cellphones of the owners into the sea, I would have done so, too. But I have never been a good runner. I had no choice but to keep walking in my ridiculous shoes, and for the first time in a long time I looked down rather than forward, as is my custom.

...and speaking of walking...

Last night I went to the fireworks at English Bay. They were beautiful, and when it was over we all walked home - tens of thousands of people walking. And I thought to myself - there is no human force on earth that can stop so many people from moving in one direction like this. And as I looked around me I prayed that one day we would all be walking together - in the same direction - for something a little more important than a bit of noise and colour in the sky....

...because I hate walking over people.