Munich

SO I was hungry, and asked the lady at the front desk where to go for dinner, and she said 'the Augustine Brewery'... it is only 15 minutes by foot... it is not touristy, and they have real Bavarian food. Well, they had real Bavarian SOMETHING. Trestle tables, hunting horns, This brewery has been in continual operation since 1328. Beer is big here. I was greeted by Klara, who was in her 40s, with an ample figure, and an even more ample decoletage, which was made even more prominent by her dirndle... She had frizzy 'red' hair, and wore rhinestones, and birkenstocks... with socks, and those big glasses that everyone wore in the 70s. I ordered bratwurst, with potato salad and sauerkraut, and was pleasantly supprised when a moderate portion appeared... But, bavarian food is very heavy. That is an understatement. It is stuff that could fell an ox. But it was delicious.. the bread alone is worthy of adoration. Rumor has it that german immigrants took bread with their own bread with them on the long journey... they didn't trust the bread in America. Anyway, blah blah blah, good food, you've heard all that before. So I was sitting there, eating my food, and wondering how I was getting so full so fast, when in walk two men. They are wearing lederhosen, and those funny hats with the feathers, and they are brandishing tubas. I almost lost it there, I mean COME ON! But then they came to my table, and serenaded me with, wait for it, 'This little light of mine' and 'devil in a blue dress'. What is more, they were accompanied heartily by the yelps of the rabid pomeranian at the next table.
Then I started to laugh hysterically, and then beer started to come out my nose, and then the Bavarians pointed and laughed at me. Then I danced with Klara. Then the tuba players played 'Proud Mary' and I ordered more beer, and thought, you know, the Germans really are crazy. THEN, the man at the bar started to sing. Except, he had survived throat cancer and had those special voice boxes where you have to press a button on your neck to talk. I think I should write a cantata for 2 tubas, pomeranian, and person-with-artificial-voicebox. You know, if I set the poetry of Margaret Atwood, I could apply for a Canada Council grant.