Furbala

Whenever I was being petulant as a youngster (or last week) , my mother would say that I was acting like a diva. In fact, she used to call me by that name. I used to be offended, but then I remembered that to be a diva really means to be touched by God, and that made me feel better. The fact that my mother used the feminine pronoun of the word was unsettling (in reality, I would be classified as a divo, as in Il Divo, as in that photoshop-and-soundbyte "band" which is to music what poptarts are to breakfast... something sickly-sweet, white, square and indigestible).. , but I credited this lapse to an unfamiliarity to the structure of Romance languages. I was ready to forgive, take stock, and move on ...

And then I remembered that my mother wears lime green sunglasses indoors and has called herself Queen of the Universe on occasion, and my mind wandered to subjects of kettles, pots and "naming". So, I realized that in the end we are all touched by God, and larger than life, and in how many ways is THAT a cliche?! In any event, this realization means that whenever anyone tells you to get a life, you can inform them that you grew out of yours long ago and set it by the side ot the road like a snake sheds its skin. Of course, whether the aim of this process is to reveal one's true self, relieve boredom, is another question entirely. In the end, it doesn't matter, as long as you can make money while doing it.

Which brings me to Madonna, who has now assimilated another esoteric mystical tradition into her persona, and appropriated a whole new testament in the process. She is now known as Esther, the heroine of the Purim story (which is a very interesting story, but complicated... Basically you should know that most Jewish holidays can be summed up in the following words: "They tried to kill us...... Let's eat!").

Of course, if you deprive Esther of her "h" you are left with an Ester: " a volatile organic compound which is most often used to create artificial flavours and scents... ". To me, this seems a far more apt description.

Sometimes I begin to think about how celebrities have embraced "spirituality" in the last few years. First, Steven Segal claimed that he was the incarnation of a Tibetan lama, then there was Madonna and Kabbalah. I wouldn't be surprised if next week I read that Lindsay Lohan has discovered Kirkegaard...

The other day, I was shopping with my friend Soula. I came across a charm bracelet held together with a red string. It was made by Furla, the chic Italian design firm, and in her best imitation of a valley girl, Soula said "like, ohmigod... it TOTALLY looks like a kabbalah bracelet." And I was, like "Ohmigod... it's like, totally FURBALA"...

We both started to laugh hysterically, and then I thought... Furbala: 'the result of the combination of an ancient mystical tradition and commercialism.... something that is uncomfortable, that catches in the throat, and ultimately must be expelled at all costs."

Like, ohmigod.