A few months ago I went to the gracious apartment of a writer who agreed to talk to me about "the craft". I knew this was a dangerous proposition, because I have never considered myself to be a "writer". I know that to name yourself invites all sorts of problems... I am no fool.
We sat there and nibbled on biscuits from a silver salver. We drank sherry and listened to Schubert - it was hard not to feel at peace. And then we started to talk about anxiety. Not that I was surprised. I have come to discover that a confluence of sensory distractions is a sign of hidden, gnawing fear -- happy is the person who
revels in debauchery just because they feel like it.
He (the writer) asked me about my "writing process".
I told him I just wrote.
He asked me what inspired me.
I told him I was inspired by most everything. Or nothing. Depending on the case.
He asked me how I just "did it".
I told him that I already had an artistic outlet that caused me endless amounts of
anxiety. Writing was just something I did.
At one point, it was the same with singing -- it was just something I did.
Then I started to learn about "how to sing" and the whole process became much more difficult and far less satisfying.
When I asked him what I could do to "improve" my writing, my writer friend told me that I should just go to a writing group and share my work with others. I felt an immediate twinge of angst. I thought to myself "oh shit... now I am going to have to try to understand what I do".
I prefer to live in ignorance and to embrace all the words that come out of me. There is a lot of chaff among the wheat to be sure...I can live with that.
But I cannot bear to try and understand. I vow to hold on to one thing in life that "just happens".
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2 comments:
this is a wise thing - it is the way I garden - form the inside seam without the overwrought
love seeing you here
Oh my Ben. Understanding your process is a wonderful opportunity to navel gaze -and of course who is immune to an invitation like that?- naturally of course this leads to endless attempts at self improvement, which of course completely destroy the integrity of your true process. Artistic process comes from a place that only artists can access (who knew?) and when anyone else tries to mess with that place, it is nothing more than a ripe dandilion in a hurricane- say goodbye to that spontaneity and delicious wit that causes me to drop everything else in my life to open up another Heldenhobbit publication. Stay true. Be you.
jen k.
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